Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
