1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
