You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
