I want to walk on stilts...naked
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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