white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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