Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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