he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
