Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
