Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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