i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
