kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The struggles of a small town man whore
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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