im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
