It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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