i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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