i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
