Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize