You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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