apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
