Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
