As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My pussy is not your playground.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
