All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
