lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
