So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
