People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
