your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you win again, gameday.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
