i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
