i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
