I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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