Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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