it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i think my cat just said my name.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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