You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
