so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
