I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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