i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
only you would photoshop your dick
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
