the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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