So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
