how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
