the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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