Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
