dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
These tits shall not be calmed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
