Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
