I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
