Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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