I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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