hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
