gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
