my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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