You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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