Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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