Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
