New invention idea: vibrating tampons
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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