Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
