can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
