I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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