No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
