Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
