I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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