6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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