friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
