Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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