I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
