By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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