the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
