so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
