Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
