also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
