i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
