can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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