Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
