A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm really busy with my period
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