I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
